Try different positions 5. I have a 20-month daughter. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. Im in need of some help here. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. Take her outside! What a painful situation you are in! Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. She preferred me up until recently. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. you can see that she love him , but when she sees him its another story . I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. I work very part time 3 days a week for a total of 16 hours. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. Understand your employer's leave policy, if you qualify for FMLA, and if any state or local laws impact parental leave. I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Can I give you a challenge? In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. You are unhappy and your son and you dont have much fun together. Things will get better. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? I understand what you are saying about your little girl. Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. this is not your fault. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. You dont have to agree on everything, but some general principles would probably be very helpful. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? Babies have a huge radar for love. Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). But they arent helping your relationship with your child. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. But I think something else is equally important if not more. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. Please help!!!!! Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. Congratulations on your little daughter! Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. Sigh. Try movement like rocking 4. I think there are two things you should do. You are not the only mother this has happened to. It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. No matter what I do, she still wants me. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. Im so depressed over this. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. She wouldnt even look at me when I tried to comfort her. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. :) :) :). Please help me out of this. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. It has been 37 years and we are not close. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. Play games together with both her and her if needed. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. Fight for your baby. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. And hug your wife. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? And you know what? I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? It is so important that you separate this! I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. Such a silly situation. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). Maybe worth trying for you too? It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. I work 6 days a week an Im home at nights but when he sees me he wont come to me and when I pick him up he throws his head back an starts to kick an screaming an he either runs to his mom or anyone else an its really killing me inside an it makes me feel he doesnt want me but like everybody else Im the only one that can put him to sleep an calm him down but its just hurts me that he doesnt want to be around me my heart is broken I been told it was a phase but I dont know bout that What can I do to want him to want me? They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! Recently, its really been getting to me. especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. Playing with her, cuddling her, holding her, rocking her to sleepif I could sing her to sleep it was rare. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. You can do it. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. So thanks for speaking up! It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. What am I doing wrong? And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. Also if I am holding him and she walks by, he struggles to get away from me. My 5 year old son rejects me. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. So chin up, even when its hard. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! What can i do to get my daughter back? I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. Please hang in there mommies and daddies. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. She just says well what can i do/say. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. I am in the same position yet I do not work. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. (And no chords these evening until your baby is asleep! I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. 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