Me being the people please that I am. I wont do anything to myself, I have a 20 y.o. On the other hand, if your narcissist has found a better, newer source of supply, then you mean nothing to them and are treated with contempt or completely ignored. If theyre called out about their affair, theyll blame their old supply, saying they werent good enough to make the relationship worthwhile. You've probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. . In fact, you dont need to respond at all. Here are 5 reasons why narcissists go back to old relationships. Over time, the new source of supply becomes less desirable to the narcissist. Sex was ok, she was a real pro but felt mechanical with zero emotional connection. The good news is that you dont have to remain this way. It can impact two-way communication, as you may be coming to the argument seeking to understand, while they may be trying to secure their own livelihood. I didnt even hv these experiences in my younger years. I dont need somebody like this in my life but Im tired of these guys getting away with what they do. Theyre brimming with emotions like insecurity, doubt, and self-hatred. So what do narcissists do when theyrun out of supply? There is nothing you can say or do thats going to change the way they feel so there is no point in trying. Three reasons why narcissists always return to former victims: When we look at the hoover in such a scenario when we come back for more, we do so for one of the following three reasons: - 1. Additionally, they dont like confrontation and would rather leave when things start going south. Im the type of person that holds things in and releases it all at once. That was probably a case oflove bombing emotional manipulation intended to make you feel special, but it comes to a screeching halt when they no longer see you as a source of supply. In this situation, your best option is to walk away politely. My husband is doing this with a cousin he had not seen in 50 years. After the initial shock and trauma of cutting off contact with a narcissist, you may have felt a sense of relief. That it was my fault, grieved to long, I was to depressing he needed fun. I get random text from him asking can we meet up and just talk?. In a normal relationship, a minor disagreement is not going to lead to a breakup. I never mattered. Narcissists are one of the most challenging personalities to be around. What happens when you reject a narcissist? How Do Narcissists Feel When You Move On? The Narcissist Went Back To The Old Supply? Theyre re-idealizing their old source of supply they got from you. 5 years in a relationship and almost to the alter and he walked out.. he has gone missing , cold hearted. I found this out from her son. These dates mean nothing to them, but they know they mean something to you. Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? Their hope is that it triggers your emotions, so you pick up the phone for old times sake. Youve made a major breakthrough in therapy and feel you now get something about their behavior or the relationship you had with them. The supply model is all well and good, and is definitely PART of the explanation as to why narcs can re-contact you after a long time. Society tends to think of narcissists as cunning, sometimes evil people that seek out victims to control. Narcissists require continual supply and sometimes they dont have a new relationship or they havent properly trained their new partner to give them what they need. The main difference between the recycler and your typical narcissist is they enjoy the predictability of the relationship. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. Because the narcissist cannot subsist without supply, when they determine your utility is done & dusted, they make the conscious decision to discard you. But had some struggles with work and only managed to save money for quite expensive tickets for me and my son. They need that familiar relationship, the one where they knew how to control a person and extract the supply they needed. Discarding is a confident move that the narcissist only makes when theyre feeling comfortable in their ability to obtain further supply. It will feel altogether intoxicating for the new supply. I feel guilty for not telling her. 360 Followers. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Its very hopeless in my heart. They want the rush that comes with an affair, which you can think of as primary supply, while holding onto the respectability and status of being married, the secondary supply. In short all the time. TTG 12 views 47 minutes ago New. When they decide its time to win you back, they will start digging for information about you such as a new job, car, or house. He tried coming back twice and the second time was last month and I felt I was in a good place to reconcile and repair things. You might even be conveying it without being in contact at all. Unfortunately for the victims of narcissist abuse, once they have been discarded, they are still emotionally connected to their abuser. If you are recovered to the point where you stay calm even when the unexpected contact comes through, then great! Sex was just sex. Elan Golomb This is a common question among the mental health/psychotherapist arena, but also is Psychopaths in Life is a resource providing information on identifying, removing and recovering from psychopaths and other toxic people in your life. It's easier for a narcissist to go back to their old supply than to find a new supply. 3. He becomes subject to ideas of reference (people are gossiping about him, mocking him, prying into his affairs . Dont let them off the hook by engaging with them. However, precisely the fact that it happens out the blue after months or years can shock and unsettle us. But to be back in this spot? They never live up to their word unless its going to benefit them in some way. Its just more game and manipulation. No, Narcissists dont have the emotional capacity to care about their supply as individuals, only as sources to be drawn upon when necessary. I had full custody of my kids. Narcissists rarely change, though their lack of empathy is a defining personality trait. I dont care about them one way or the other. Usually, the old supply will have made it clear that cheating is a non-no. Just bizzare behaviour and I have no idea why she has been religiously watching me its really weird behaviour. What happens when a narcissist loses their main supply? I did not tell her, I want to, but it may just cloud her judgement more. The bottom line on all of this is that if narcissist ex partner contact you again after a long time, just ignore or dismiss them. So be happy, that tortures themGet to the point where they are not on your mind. Here are some of the signs your narcissistic ex is trying to win you back: A message of this nature will come in the form of a question, they are not concerned about the answer, what they want is to get you to start thinking about them again. Its the kind of recognition and admiration that comes from people you dont know very well or at all the adoring fans of the narcissist. While we all like to feel special from time to time, narcissists are like drug addicts in their never-ended search for more supply. This is so awful. I knew he had some narcissist traits but didnt realize he was a true NPD sociopath. Named after the famous vacuum cleaner company, Hoovering is what we call it when the narcissist tries to suck you back in after the discard. If there is one thing you dont want in life, its to become a member of the narcissists recycling camp. So, when they get a clue that they have acted poorly or been abusive, they seek attention and validation to soothe their ego and avoid accountability. Narcissists do not care about the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs of their new supply because they lack the emotional intelligence that is required to do so. As long as the narcissist is gaining precious energy from the new supply, they couldn't care less who they are as person. The way you view love and romance and the way the narcissist views love and romance are from a completely different lens. This kind of gaslighting is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse. Its truly awfulIm replying to this feed because I dont want to txt, call, or show-out. Hes set his air and is waiting for me to call him. Often, the narcissist will approach you and say they made a mistake by leaving the relationship. And sometimes I blame myself I dont know. Maybe this happened in the aftermath of your own relationship with a narcissist. Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Alexander BurgemeesterNarcissists live and breathe supply; it's the praise, admiration, and status that makes their life worth living. its hard to believe were not going into forever together. Experts suggest that narcissistic personality disorder is linked to factors including: Genetics. link to Can Narcissists Ever Change? If you still live and work at the same location, expect your ex to bombard you with gifts and flowers. What Does a Narcissist Want in a Relationship? Narcissists' returns to their old supply sources are usually accompanied by smiles; they do it in such a charming way that they return to their old routines. They would rather stick with what they know then seek out something new. Like all narcissists, recyclers lack empathy and when they walk out of a relationship, they have no regard for their feelings toward their partner. Theres no longer a push-pull dynamic in your life. he made me better(be calm during arguments vs argue) only to better deal with his foolishness without consequences/accountability. How to Deal With the Narcissist Smear Campaign. Remember when the narcissist said you were their soulmate and that youll be together forever? it was extremely draining and confusing bc i see this but i loved him soooo much and i was overly understanding bc of his upbringing (mommy issues, male role models etc). I was with my possible narc for 3 years. Blindsided. Pay close attention to this; it could be one of these things: If this applies to your situation, you are not alone. He thinks once she is settled hes coming home to triangulate me. Love bombing is their way of reminding you of the good old days. He moved out of the house on 2/25, from our bed to Hers! Very evil people they are, everything ive read above is 101% accurate explains everything, I thought I could change her with my love, but instead my love meant nothing, and I got blamed for things she did, it just never made sense until I read this, I was still questioning my self where did I go wrong why did she just walk away what could I have done better etcand just recently I heard shes back with her ex from 5 years ago lol, Hi and thank you for helping me understand My narcissist has been doing this to me for the last 8 years and I have taken him back over 10 times I feel like the biggest idiot and a gluten for punishment He left me again last week and I dont want to take him back again I already dislike myself because of my weekness And am tired of this emotional roller-coaster I am so angry that it was him that ended it and not meonce again.m. But not all narcissistic supply is the same or has the same value to the narcissist. The narcissist still isnt owning their behavior. 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